I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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