wat bout pragnant strippers??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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