This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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