i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
