It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
