Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
