im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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