so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
