I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
