You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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