I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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