She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
