Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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