If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
