Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
