I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
