We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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