i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
