the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
