worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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