The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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