I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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