curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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