So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
