she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
