i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
