The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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