i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
