i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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