i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
