Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
