I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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