She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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