i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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