Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
