the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
