Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
