Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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