don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want nice things and good sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
