i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
