You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
