HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
