I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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