i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
