There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
