I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
