What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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