I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
