I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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