ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
COCAINE IS GR8
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
