It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
