After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
