I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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